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Scissors
Fuck
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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