I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My hand turned me down
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize