i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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