I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
