I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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