I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
