Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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