Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
