operation have a gay friend backfired
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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