She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
