explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We just shotgunned beers for America
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
