There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
