i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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