Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
