yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
