Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
