I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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