He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My pussy is not your playground.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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