Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
