Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
