If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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