I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
