I just pynch a tree in the face
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this is an emotional support booty call
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
