im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize