More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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