What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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