What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize