i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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