If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
