do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
