One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
