it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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