i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wear drunk well.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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