I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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