My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
