and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
