It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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