I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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