If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
