Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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