you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize