Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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