how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
barbara walters just said penis...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
