i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
