pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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