Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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