I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
