Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
