If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
