I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
