My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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