Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
