The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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