I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
