if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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