i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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