chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
