If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
