dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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