I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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