he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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