You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
