i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
