It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
