i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
