I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize