Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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