I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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