Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
