pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
