i wish my penis had a tongue
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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