We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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