He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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