idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I want a musical about memes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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