Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
