i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
