So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
