Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
