so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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