I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
