just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
