I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
