Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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