Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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