the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
