we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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