I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
