You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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